Switch
by A.D. Williams
Summary: So Axel thinks there's nothing to it to making Demyx happy. And Xigbar, going out on a challenge, thinks that Roxas is one-demensional in personality and should also be a breeze to handle. Humor fic written for AkuDemy day.
1. Chapter 1

It's AkuDemy day, folks! Not one of Kingdom Heart's biggest pairings, but then again, Demyx is paired with every frickin' person under the sun. And that's _outside _of Lady Chimera/Nire-Chan's work! Poor Demy…

I'm splitting this in two so that it's not one, long read. It gives you a chance to take a breather somewhere without having to hunt down your place later, lol! Well, hope you guys enjoy it!

* * *

**Spouse Swap**

Days at The Castle That Never Was were boring ones, lounging around, playing cards, creating exploding experiments, collecting toe nails…nope, nothing unusual—

"You don't know _anything _about me!" Roxas screamed at Axel. "You think I _like _to just give you ass all day? That's not a relationship! At least not one that I'm interested in. So keep you and your humongous child-bearing hips away from me!"

"But, Roxy!" Axel cried out, chasing him down the hall, until the boy reached his room and slammed it shut. He didn't miss the click of the lock either. Of course he could've just warped into the room anyways, but he'd never seen Roxas this mad before and didn't want to push it. Dragging feet that felt like boulders, he made his way to the Grey Room.

"I do _not _have child-bearing hips!" he muttered indignantly as he went.

A snicker behind him made him quickly turn around. There, up on the ceiling, was Xigbar. "I think that's up for debate, buddy," he chuckled.

Axel frowned at him a moment, then asked, "Don't you ever get lightheaded doing that?"

"Nah, I'm used to it, hell, I could hang here all da—" he was cut off as his feet gave out and with a weird fainting sound, he collapsed to the floor in a heap.

The redhead quirked an eyebrow as he stared at him. "Wow. I think I jinxed him." He gingerly prodded Xigbar's lifeless body with a foot and the Freeshooter replied back with a misaimed bullet.

The man stumbled to his feet slowly, mumbling something about not being as young as he used to be. "Since when the hell did I faint?"

Now it was Axel's turn to laugh. "You think you've found the fountain of youth through Demyx but I don't think it's having much of an effect on you."

"Hey! Demyx doesn't just keep me young. He…um. Well. Hm." Xigbar put a hand to his chin as the scrounged to think up other reasons he found Demyx interesting. Then he paused in his musings. "You know, I could really ask the same thing about you and Roxas! I mean, at least Demyx is legal! You look like a mole—"

"Okay! I get it!" Axel was getting quite sick and tired of the rubbing everyone did about his relationship with the boy. "Anyways, I make him happier than anyone else could ever, so that's all that matters." He switched his frown with a proud grin.

"Pfft, as if! How hard is it to keep the kid happy? Even I could do that!" Xigbar gawffed. "You know what? Humor me. I'll treat Roxas out for a day and you can take Demyx. Now let us keep in mind that this is not to be mistaken for a date either," he emphasized. Axel stuck his tongue out in disgust at the idea. "We're just trying to make them happy is all. Give 'em a chance to hang out with someone new. So, up for the challenge?"

Axel stuck his hand out almost before he was finished talking. "Deal. Demyx is a cakewalk. Good luck with Roxas though; that's a finicky one."

"Yeah, yeah. Can't be that hard, right?"

~.~.~.~.~

"So, Demyx, I heard that you really like music."

Demyx leveled him with narrowed eyes. "Gee, Einstein, was it really hard to come to that conclusion? I mean, it's not like everyone hasn't heard me playing my sitar, which is also my weapon, nor have they ever seen me listening to music while I walk around—"

"You know smartass, nobody asked you all of that," Axel said heatedly. Boy, everyone was laying on the bitching today, weren't they? "Look, I got us some tickets to a concert. They were last minute, so they're not the best seat in the house, but figured maybe you'd enjoy it."

First of all, 'not the best seat in the house' was a major understatement. They were so far back in the stands that they had to look at the huge TV's around the arena to see by. Second problem was…

"Axel. Is this Creed?"

"Wha? Oh, yeah. I mean, they're pretty popular, right?" Axel didn't miss that Demyx's eye had begun to twitch sharply. "Hey, what's wrong with Creed? I think they're not half bad."

"Dude…they're…Chri…Chris…GAH!" Demyx stood up and made to leave, but Axel grabbed his arm and dragged him back down.

"No! You are _not _leaving! Maybe these tickets were cheap as hell and maybe this is a terrible spot and maybe they're a Christian band and maybe that's not your thing, but damnit, I paid half-decent money for this event so you're going to like it!"

Demyx could only snort. "Half decent…"

"Aw, shaddup."

During the concert, Axel sang along to the very few songs he knew by the group and Demyx sang the one, count 'em, _one _song he knew. And not even all of it at that. He felt himself becoming more and more uneasy at those swaying to the softer, more emotional songs, holding up crosses and glowsticks as they sang or hummed with their eyes closed. After one of those painfully mushy songs ended, the girl next to him said, "Doesn't that just make you long for the promise land even more?" and then proceeded to randomly give him a hug.

She felt him stiffen and figured she knew what was wrong. "Don't worry, I'm giving you a Christian sidehug. You see, this way your mind isn't troubled with any sinful thoughts as they would be from a regular hug."

Very dimly, the blonde heard Axel mutter, "Oh, now that's just sad."

As soon as the girl stepped back, the redhead grabbed his arm and dragged him from the arena. "Okay, you win. That was…weird to say the least."

Demyx rubbed his forearm nervously as they walked. "Kinda…makes me feel really bad. Like I need to sit down and have a very long sermon. Is this what would be called a guilt-trip?"

"I'm not trying to think about it long enough to let it formulate into that," Axel told him. With a heavy sigh, he pulled up short on the sidewalk and turned to face Demyx. "Okay, so maybe that wasn't the coolest of things. But hey, I've got some other ideas up my sleeves! Don't worry, you'll be having a blast yet!"

Demyx rolled his eyes. "Oh goody…"

~.~.~.~.~

"Well, kiddo, enjoy it!" Xigbar said, smiling widely.

"Xigbar. This…is a playground," Roxas said taking in the swings, monkey bars and slides. He frowned up at the man. "I'm not five, you asshat."

"What? Playgrounds have no age!" Xigbar told him. "See!" He ran over to a swing and began pushing himself back and forth.

Roxas was never more happy to be in a deserted place as now. The image was wrong. So wrong. Xigbar was never meant to touch a swing set.

After getting up to a height that was favorable, Xigbar jumped off, but warped in midair to appear back next to the boy. His face held an expectant look, but faded when he realized that Roxas wasn't impressed. "You know, you're an emoish little fuck," he told him.

"I'm not having fun," Roxas said pointedly.

"Demyx is nearly twice your age and loves this place!" Xigbar told him. "Especially the merry go-round! Ahh, the way his face lights up when he's…um…you don't really give a damn, do you?" Xigbar's nostalgic smile faded to an annoyed frown.

"No. Quite frankly I don't," Roxas told him.

Xigbar contemplated how much trouble he'd be in for shooting the boy. He only barely held back, knowing Xemnas would murder him if he killed their precious Keyblader. "Alright then, what would you like to do? " he asked amicably.

"Hmm…anywhere I could get a ball? A large one, like the size you'd use at the beach but much stronger."

"Whatcha need a ball for?"

"I like to hit them, count how many times I can keep it in the air before it touches the ground again," Roxas said simply, digging in his pocket to count out some money.

Xigbar gave him a deadpan stare. "You've gotta be effing kidding me. Is this really what you call fun?"

Roxas shrugged. "Yeah. Remember that time last month when we got a vacation day? I spent the whole day doing that."

Now the Freeshooter was seriously blown away. "You spent _fourteen hours _hitting a ball? You really had absolutely nothing better to do? Where was Axel?"

"He said something about sleeping and taking six naps a day if he could, then went back to bed. He said that I was free to do whatever I wanted to do that day, and that's what I wanted to do. Hit the ball."

Oh god, the pain! It BURNED! What person could really…_Only Roxas, _Xigbar thought to himself. Nobody but this zombie could even fathom that being a source of great entertainment.

Him and maybe Saix, that is.

Shaking his head, he led him down the street to a store where he could purchase a ball.


	2. Chapter 2

Demyx stood against the side of the building, latching onto the bricks behind him for dear life. Axel had lost his ever-loving mind.

"Oh, stop being such a wuss! Roxas and Xion can both sit on the ledge and never cry about how high up we are," Axel called back to him, sitting in his usual spot with his usual treat in his hands.

"All of you are stark-frickin' mad!" Demyx shouted loudly, wind whipping him in the face since it was unobstructed by any other buildings.

"Dem, you have abilities, man! If you fall, warp!" Axel chuckled, taking a bite of his ice cream.

"Only Xigbar can do that," Demyx replied with his eyes closed. "For the rest of us, it's like a really powerful ninjutsu that Kakashi-sensei hasn't taught us yet!"

_Oh my god, Narutard! _"Well, um…still! I won't let you fall Demyx. C'mon, do you have any reason to distrust me?"

Axel's smile radiated "Don't trust me." The pyro was absolutely terrible at exuding false confidence. When he saw Demyx flinch back away from him, he gave an indignant huff and stood up. Grabbing the other's arm, he dragged them to the ledge. Demyx let out a scream that should've belonged more to Namine perhaps before latching on to his skinny waist for support.

"Don't drop me! I don't wanna die!"

"You won't, as long as you get your damn claws out of my hips," Axel growled. He unlatched Demyx and basically deposited him on the ledge. The man scrambled back on the other side to safety. Axel didn't speak to him for awhile, and once he was assured that he indeed was in a safe location, he got to his knees and crawled over to the edge. Down below him, he could see the train station entrance of Twilight Town.

"You know…once you get over the emotions of doom and gloom, this isn't a half bad hangout," he murmured. He never climbed fully up to sit next to Axel, but happily took the half melted ice cream he handed him.

"Yeah, this is where we go when we want to stall for just a few more minutes of peace before having to return to the hellish chaos that is our Organization," Axel chuckled. He grinned at Demyx over his shoulder.

The blonde momentarily forgot about his ice cream to stare back at him "Anyone ever tell you…your eyes look like a chick's?"

Well, if _that _didn't ruin the mood! Er, not that Axel was really _in _any particular mood with Demyx…he was faithful to Roxas one-hundred percent. But Axel turned the comment around and told him, "If you think that's bad, watch this. Do one of your water moves on me."

Demyx, ever being the lazy one, simply held up a hand. A second later, a blast of water hit Axel in the face, getting his entire head wet.

"Good. Now, one second," Axel told him. He turned away for a moment and kept shaking his head out like a dog. Once he was done with that, he got up and went around the corner of the tower. "Okay, watch this!"

When he strutted from around the corner, Demyx had to work hard to not let his mouth drop open. Axel's usual joking green eyes had moved way beyond that and were more or less communicating, _you want me and you know it._ The willowy waist worked to this advantage and with a good imagination (and ignoring that Axel lacked a chest), he possibly could've passed for being female.

Xigbar would kill Demyx if he saw the way he was gaping right now.

"Ax-Axel…um…stop l-looking at me like that," he could only barely mutter.

Axel sat back down beside him, the eyes still flirty. "Why? Do I make you uncomfortable?" He leaned in a little closer to him, as though wanting him to catch his scent. Demyx mentally kicked himself when he actually sniffed him and found that whatever he was wearing was gender neutral and didn't ruin the illusion Axel was casting.

The redhead leaned back on the ledge, staring up with closed eyes and letting his wet hair hang behind him. The gesture gave a full view of his throat, the curvature of his jawline, the soft shadows on his cheeks from his lashes. Demyx gave a hard swallow, screaming in his head to turn away, that it wasn't right to keep staring like that but he couldn't help himself.

In a move faster than he was aware of, he grabbed Axel and roughly crushed their lips together. Axel didn't fight back, but neither did he respond. He let Demyx have this, have him, but felt nothing of his tongue in his mouth, the nipping on his lips, or the breathy moan the blonde released at the passionate contact. When he'd had his fill and finally sat back, Axel stared back at him with cool, calm eyes. Almost as though he were bored. "Finished?" he asked smoothly.

The desire in the blonde's eyes had started to give away to shame. "Axel…this…this was wrong. So wrong…"

"It's lust and it about got the better of you," Axel told him calmly. "You don't _really _care for me any more than I care for you. You saw something that looked a little pleasant and went after it."

"How do I _not _go after it?" Demyx whimpered pathetically.

"Ahh, if I had the answer to that, nobody would ever cheat on their spouse," Axel smiled wistfully. "Easiest way is just weighing your options. What will you gain with me? What will you be giving up? Are either really worth it? In this case, I gotta tell ya. Roxas just rocks. Not lookin' forward to losing him. I didn't expect you to haul off and kiss me considering your own relationship status."

Axel didn't miss Demyx calling him a bastard under his breath. Out loud he whispered, "Promise me…you won't tell him. About this." He knew he meant Xigbar.

"Pfft, like I'd really do that! Xigbar wouldn't lay a finger on you, but he'd murder me! Then, when he's done, Roxas will murder me three times over! You'd get off scotch-free."

Demyx gave him an appreciative smile, then looked behind him up at the clock. "Whoa. Speaking of them, perhaps we should get back. Our day of switching is basically over. I wonder how Roxas and Xigbar fared?"

Axel smiled at the thought of getting back to his _ahem, _boy-toy and stood up. "Well, let's hope _they _didn't make out too, haha!"

"So not funny," Demyx grumbled as he followed him into a dark portal.

~.~.~.~.~

"Five thousand, five hundred and fifty two! Five thousand, five hundred and fifty three! Five thousand, five hundred and fifty four!" Roxas kept hitting the ball into the air with his Keyblade, his face shining with childish delight as he watched it soar high up, then slowly drift back down to him again.

Xigbar on the other hand was dying. No, seriously, he was dying. He could feel his lifeforce slipping away as he sat there on the park bench and watched him hit the ball. Each whack was like a stab to his soul and he would fade just a little bit more inside. The boredom. Oh, the fucking boredom!

That's it! He couldn't take it anymore!

Roxas was standing there looking up in the sky and waiting for the ball to come back when he saw a red light flash through the sky and the ball burst. With horrified eyes, he turned to the other man, who wore a wicked grin. Xigbar lifted up one of his guns and blew the barrel of it cheekily before making it disappear again.

"There! Now let's do something _fun!_"

"That…that _was _fun," Roxas told him, eyes filling up with tears. "I've never gotten it to stay off the ground that long. You _ruined _it! You monster!" He pointed a harsh, accusing finger at the man, trembling in fury.

Axel and Demyx chose that moment to appear from their portal. Axel's eyes immediately locked onto Roxas and he ran forward. "Roxy! What's wrong? Why is my sweet little Roxy-cakes crying?"

Demyx and Xigbar stared on with horrified expressions. "Call me that and I'll kill you," Xigbar told him.

"Deal," Demyx readily agreed.

Axel turned to the Freeshooter. "You DARE upset Roxas? I'm so PISSED!" The entire park went up in flames as Axel completely released his powers. Holding his arms up to the side, his chakrams appeared, spinning in the air before he caught them. He leveled Xigbar with a ferocious scowl as he crouched slightly in a fighting position.

"Aww, cool your jets, hotshot," Demyx told him. In a huge tidal wave, the flames were washed away. Nobody had expected him to be the one to put an end to the broiling feud, but it would seem Demyx finally figured out that he had Axel beat, at least in the elements.

"Hmph!" Axel snorted. He wrapped an arm around Roxas and steered him away from them. "Don't worry about those meanie-faces, Roxy; we'll get you a new ball! I'll even join you. How's that sound?"

"Really! Oh boy, this is the best day _ever_!" Roxas said in a voice that was as far removed from his regular personality as could be imagined.

Back in the park, Xigbar smiled fondly at Demyx. "Thank you for saving me. And I'm not talking about the ginger either."

Demyx blushed. "Heh, it was nothing."

Xigbar fished in his coat pockets for a bit before producing two slim pieces of paper. "Tickets. To Metallica. Wanna go?"

"Hellz yes! You'll never believe what Axel took me to!" As they walked, he recounted the events of the day, of course skimming over the incident on the clock tower. An hour later, they were rocking along with all the other fans in the crowd, screaming their heads off and risking going deaf from the noise.

Hours later when they left, still high off of adrenaline, Demyx didn't miss Xigbar sliding his arm around his waist and dragging him closer, damned be anyone who saw it. He thought back on what Axel had said about what he might've lost by following lust.

Love. He would've been giving up love.

In the picture-perfect moment, he leaned his head on Xigbar's shoulder and smiled to himself.

* * *

Gah, the length! Heh…nine pages on Microsoft Word. And then I just got the moving 9 from Netflix today. And I had to be at work today by nine, lol! (I'm stretching a bit here now). Demyx is quite ubiquitous, isn't he? Especially when it comes down to pairings!

Yeah, I couldn't force myself to part Axel from Roxas. I have no issue with ripping Demyx from Xigbar but Axel should never be with anyone other than that angsty blonde.

Last thing. I was not making fun of Christians here. I just _had _to mention 'Christian sidehugs' though! Go YouTube it; it's also a song! Hil-arious!

Now, be kind and review please!


End file.
